"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."
Not to worry, I am not about to delve into the murky, painful depths of unrequited love here. I suppose I just have a few things I would like to get off my chest, if you will. There is only about 2 months left of my time here at Malone...a fact that I both celebrate and hold with an unsatisfied constitution. I've been thinking about leaving here a lot lately...when the semester ends, and I am thrust once more into an uncertain world as I desperately attempt to fit all the pieces together. Work is inevitable, and oddly enough looked forward to. I'll like having a place to go to where I can just do my duties and go home, not having to carefully plot out interpersonal relationships/communications, class schedules, and future plans all at once.
I was trying to become something/someone different when I came back from spring break, and unfortunately, the person I currently "am" is not nearly close to what was planned. So says a woman silently scorned. I got myself all worked up over an impossible dream...a dream that with each passing day faded more and more. Each time I took a drag or a vulgar word or comment slipped from my mouth, I mentally chided myself for failing to be "more amazing."
Tonight I am restless. At the moment, it truly seems as though I have nothing going for me, really. Being static or apathetic on this matter will lead to the same result; however, to be honest I don't know exactly where to go (or where I want to go) from here. Perhaps there is such a thing as a good suprise in my life, perhaps something big (good, not bad) will happen, and the course of this life's ship shall be altered, hopefully set in a completely different direction.
Such are the musings of an unquiet mind.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Chivalry: Ressurected
"Chivalry is dead," or so I'm told.
However, there are still the occasional gentlemen out there that will lend you an arm, open a door, light your ciggarette, or walk you to the door. There are those who will be considerate enough to call to see how you are, who bring you an orange if you missed dinner, give up their chair, or lend you their jacket. To these men, I salute you. These thoughtful and kind acts are not easily forgotten. Keep it up, you modern day knights. Treat a/your woman like a princess, a queen, a goddess. Your efforts will not go un-noticed.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Ladies and gentlemen, the glorious Modest Mouse.
This is the part of me that needs medication.
this is the part of me that believes in heaven.
this is the part of me that wishes I was with it.
this is the part of me that's trying to be funny.
this is the part of me loves my parents.
this is the part of me that learns from sickness.
this is the part of me that means nothing.
And I don't know....
I could go away and you could wish that I had stayed or just stayed gone.
And I don't know....
Out of the context and into what you meant.
You don't know who you are but you know who you want to be.
And I don't know.....
So you went to the library to get yourself a book and you looked and you looked but you didn't find anything to read.
The grass looks much greener, but it's green painted cement.
You can't make dirt clean but just lemon scented.
Out of breath and out of cash, find yourself watching MASH, every night on the couch, woman says let's take a drive on south. Roll down the windows and open your mouth, taste where we are and play the music loud. Stop the car, lay on the grass. The planet spins and we watch days pass.
I never knew nothing, so there's nothing to forget. Get real drunk and ride our bikes...
There's so much beauty it can make you cry.
I backed my car into a cop car the other day....well he just drove off; sometimes life's ok.
I ran my mouth a bit too much, now what did I say? Well you just laughed it off and it was all ok.
And we'll all float on...ok?
We both got fired on exactly the same day. Well we'll float on, good news is on the way.
And we'll all float on...ok?
Even if things end up a bit too heavy, we'll all float on....
this is the part of me that believes in heaven.
this is the part of me that wishes I was with it.
this is the part of me that's trying to be funny.
this is the part of me loves my parents.
this is the part of me that learns from sickness.
this is the part of me that means nothing.
And I don't know....
I could go away and you could wish that I had stayed or just stayed gone.
And I don't know....
Out of the context and into what you meant.
You don't know who you are but you know who you want to be.
And I don't know.....
So you went to the library to get yourself a book and you looked and you looked but you didn't find anything to read.
The grass looks much greener, but it's green painted cement.
You can't make dirt clean but just lemon scented.
Out of breath and out of cash, find yourself watching MASH, every night on the couch, woman says let's take a drive on south. Roll down the windows and open your mouth, taste where we are and play the music loud. Stop the car, lay on the grass. The planet spins and we watch days pass.
I never knew nothing, so there's nothing to forget. Get real drunk and ride our bikes...
There's so much beauty it can make you cry.
I backed my car into a cop car the other day....well he just drove off; sometimes life's ok.
I ran my mouth a bit too much, now what did I say? Well you just laughed it off and it was all ok.
And we'll all float on...ok?
We both got fired on exactly the same day. Well we'll float on, good news is on the way.
And we'll all float on...ok?
Even if things end up a bit too heavy, we'll all float on....
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Goodmorning, goodmorning! We've talked the whole night through...
Soooo...I just got done dancing in the snow to techno music. = )
It was magical. You should do it. Go do it.
I'm in a very random, excited-sort of mood at the moment, and I'm not exactly sure why. Perhaps it's because it's 5:15 in the morning and I haven't been to sleep yet...beats me. At any rate, here I am sitting in my room watching the snow zip speedily down to earth. Bathing suit weather!!
This morning I shall give my speech on Alexander the Great. After researching him and his life, I'm not AS enamoured by his accomplishments as I used to be, but he's an ambitious kid none the less.
Workin' out at the Wellness Center, doing laundry, and a hot shower soon to come, yay! (More yay emphasis on the hot show-ah, but whatev.)
I'm in need of some more H2 to the O, but that requires a trecherous journey through darkness and potentially smacking into doorways...haha. Sounds like fun.
Note to self: Keep plenty of water bottles handy as a preventative measure.
Riiiiip! Another page torn from my day-calendar. It is now verifyably thursday.
Make love not war. (or girl babies.)
;-)
*yours truly*
It was magical. You should do it. Go do it.
I'm in a very random, excited-sort of mood at the moment, and I'm not exactly sure why. Perhaps it's because it's 5:15 in the morning and I haven't been to sleep yet...beats me. At any rate, here I am sitting in my room watching the snow zip speedily down to earth. Bathing suit weather!!
This morning I shall give my speech on Alexander the Great. After researching him and his life, I'm not AS enamoured by his accomplishments as I used to be, but he's an ambitious kid none the less.
Workin' out at the Wellness Center, doing laundry, and a hot shower soon to come, yay! (More yay emphasis on the hot show-ah, but whatev.)
I'm in need of some more H2 to the O, but that requires a trecherous journey through darkness and potentially smacking into doorways...haha. Sounds like fun.
Note to self: Keep plenty of water bottles handy as a preventative measure.
Riiiiip! Another page torn from my day-calendar. It is now verifyably thursday.
Make love not war. (or girl babies.)
;-)
*yours truly*
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Touched my heart, touched my soul, changed my life and all my goals.
You
---------
Poppin' my colla
tater tots
sunglasses
Cato's
glamour
Marylin Monroe
some of my friends sell records, some of my friends sell drugs
you always on the computer when I got home from school
dork
vegas week
secret glances
ik,r?
red bull
beer bread
garage sales
ciggs
burger king
driving
loud music
red van
white stripes
the beatles
311
hero-ine
big feet
nail polish
late night movies and carrot sticks with RANCH
You
-------
talking on the phone
holding your hand in the back of the van
playing with your hair
smoking
random trips to the mall
walking in the rain to see you
amourous encounters
Timbaland
Everything
You and Me
Suffocate
bowling alley
canopy beds
the shining
a ring
washing the dishes
vegas
bites
House
Wal-Mart
Right Now by akon
watching you get ready
anime
dancing to my ringtone
homecoming
Egypt
boy children
introducing you to my parents
getting McDonalds
random burger king encounter
guitar hero
the dining hall
doodling through church
eating mall food
falling asleep on barn couch-beds together
watching movies
Muggs
etc....
Sunday, February 8, 2009
A dream is a wish your heart makes.
I want to live in a place where the air smells different.
There will be a coffee table somewhere in my home that resembles an oversized
cheese-wheel. I will host swanky dinner parties that become the perfect backdrop for insightful conversations about human rights, French wine, and Budhism. My two boys will play tic-tac-toe on a slate board with chalked lines. I will have a dog named after a Greek god and a cat named after an Egyptian goddess. I will go to work in the morning equiped with an artsy thermos full of Italian coffee, a bottle of diet coke for later, and my palm pilot fully charged. I'll pull my convertable into it's designated spot and exchange pleasantries with the doorman. I'll strut in through glass doors, owning the smart red stillettos I'm wearing to go with my Armani three-piece suit. The work day goes smoothly, and the clients are more than happy with the results. The clock lazily clicks over to 5:00pm and I pick up my Versachi atache case and head home. Dinner is served by my boys, trying their hand at the culinary arts for the night. Bruschetta, artichoke dip with pita, and mediterranean salad --delicious!
The boys and their father horse around while I read on the couch with my feet propped up on the sleeping dog's back. We all soak in the hot tub for a bit, then it's off to bed. Lying on my Temperpedic bed under a fluffy, luxurious comforter with my husband's arm wrapped around me, feeling his warmth, I am content, and drift off to sleep...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Roll with the rythm.
Party Starter
BYOB
Great Escape
Something in your mouth
I'd rather
Lick it
Dragula
Comfort Eagle
I can tell
Teen hearts
Nine in the afternoon
I've got soul but I'm not a soldier
Swing
Everywhere I go
California
Float On
DJ Rectangle
Friday, January 30, 2009
I'd like to buy the world a coke.
Hello everyone!
I have just started a group on facebook, which I would like to strongly recommend.
It's a place full of people with a whole assortment of different ages, majors, jobs, careers, areas of expertise, etc. I really think we can learn a lot from each other; also, it is always helpful to "know people" in the field or area that you are interested in. I encourage everyone to check it out, and invite others to join ---the more diversity the better!!
As a P.S.
Today I switch majors to Communication Arts-Public Relations. After commenting on a dear friend of mine's blog about his career choices, I began to examine my own. After looking for a theme, a common thread in all of them, I found out that what I truly want is to make connections with people and help them out as much as possible. I thought about going back to nursing or business management (past majors) or staying with art (current major), but I realized I needed something a lot more diverse than something so specific. I want to be kept on my toes, meeting multi-millionaire CEOs to small business owners, traveling around the world, developing new ideas, making connections, helping all kinds of people achieve their goals.
There is challenge in this profession, which I crave, and need in order to stay interested in it long term. I am completely thrilled that I am finally starting to piece together everything, and look forward to the changes and challenges ahead.
P.P.S.
I am running for Student Senate Freshman Senator this semester. I need 50 signatures from current freshman students, commuter or resident. If you personally are a freshman, that is great! If not, but you know freshman students, I would love the opportunity to meet, and talk about representing them as their class senator. You can get in touch with me anytime at:
330-206-9802 (Cell) and/or my campus mailbox number is #489
Thank you so much for the help, and I hope you will take advantage of the facebook group
"Nice to meet you!"
Tell all your friends! = )
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Because I have something to prove.
Something occurred to me tonight.
I was sitting here pondering why I'm here at Malone, if I'm even cut out for this kind of academia, if I should be doing something else with my life, etc.
And something came to mind, something that I have forgotten for quite a while...
I am so much stronger than all this "woah is me" shit.
I am an intelligent, adaptive, creative, independent individual.
Sure, I've been through a hell of a lot. It's helped shape me and my perspective.
What I am trying to say in this soap box blog tonight is that
I am not ever going to give up.
There are going to be rough patches on my journey, but I am going to meet them head on and with a can-do positive attitude. There are many times when I really don't feel like being 100%, times that I am depressed, times when I am severely apathetic. However, I am taking a stand right here and now and saying that those thoughts and that mindset are not going to rule me/my life anymore. They have for far too long, and now I am taking control once more.
This new/old attitude does not only apply to my academics, but in all areas of my life. I want to genuinely back up my words with actions.
And now with all due respect...to all of those who continuously try to make me feel like I'm making a mistake, that I'm not good enough to be doing what I'm doing, and that I have to settle for less than what I want/can have:
SHOVE IT.
As I had said before coming back for this semester, "I have a lot to prove to a lot of people."
And I intend to do just that.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Some things demand to be left in the night.
There is an ancient secret
hidden deep within the night
that causes the heart to tremor
for winged beasts take flight
to prowl about the night
hunting down sacred souls
to cast into the flames of Hell
Join us in the hatred of forsaken grace
an unholy face
pale eyes to see the screaming bleeding lives
of those who remain in flames
they cannot be saved from the relentless night
consumed with unatainable escape
from their inevitable fate
The demons torment their prey
with false hope of freedom
with the torture of waiting to be taken
never knowing when it will happen
but knowing there is no redemption from it
Time is running out...
Hush now, child
do not weep
tears cannot save you
hush now, child
it will all be over soon
no more fear. no more pain.
Hush now, child
the hunters musn't hear
they shall come soon enough
cloaked in black with swift attack
Hush now, child
do not fear eternity
it waits for us all
Hush now, child...
sleep now...dream of the sunset on the placid waters of Eden
of the sweet gentle breeze on your weary body
rest there, sweet child.
Rest in the quiet glade
breath in the kind air
listen to the trickling water off the smooth stones
Rest here, child.
Rest in peace.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Call it education.
Hello everyone!
This is my first blog, so "pardon the dust" along the way as the contstruction takes place.
As my first topic, I would like to discuss Growing up.
This is something that has been on my mind in a way for the past couple of days. I am coming to realize that 'where you come from' as in your past, your family, your genetic compostion plays a very important role in a person's life. Up until quite recently, I thought that A) My history did not affect me in the slightest, and it was just random bits of trivia to make vague reference to, or B) If indeed it did affect me, it was something that I could simply ignore or wish away. As it is turning out, neither of those theories seem to be the case. Part of becoming a functioning, independent human being is to get to know yourself; once you come to terms with your past, you are one step further to that goal. By delving into all the events and memories of your life thus far, you will be able to understand things about yourself that never really made sense, or that you just wrote off as "that's just how I am". Now I am not saying that this process will necesarrily be pleasant or even easy, as many of us hold onto our own demons of hurt, regret, and dissapointment linked to our past. Please proceed with caution, and only if you understand it is going to be a lengthy, trecherous endevour. This is not to say that everything about "what makes you, you" is going to be negative components. There is going to be extremely bad, extremely good, and things somewhere in between that you will have to work through and sort out in your own mind, and in your own heart. If at all possible, share this experience with a close, trusted friend who can not only listen, but give you an outside perspective to whatever situation or memory. As a side note, I want to mention something else: growing pains are inevitable. No matter how mature you think yourself to be, or how mature you can act, occasionally slipping back a notch or two is normal and to be expected during the process of growing up. Look back at yourself 5 years ago. Chances are you have a much different perspective on everything in life than you did then. 5 years from now, in retrospect, you will see how much your mindset has changed from then until the current day. Be kind to yourself during this time of expansion, trial and error, learning, failing, experimenting, and growing. Just as a child must learn how to interact with the rest of the world, we must also be open minded enough to realize that we don't have all the answers, that right now is temporary, and that there is always something more to learn.
Thank you for your time, and I sincerely hope this has helped in some small way.
Until next time...au revoir.
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